


how to make a pie

by valety



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Don't try this at home kids, Fluff, Gen, Nonverbal Frisk, POV Second Person, Post-Pacifist Route, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 09:43:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5412086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valety/pseuds/valety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frisk, Chara, and Asriel decide to do a little baking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how to make a pie

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how to write comedy

**Step 1: Preparation**

You may not know the first thing about baking, but that's okay. If Undyne has taught you anything in your many, many cooking lessons together, it's that the first and most important step in any recipe is to have  _confidence._ There's stirring too, of course, and making sure the oven is hot enough (the oven is never hot enough), but practically any other obstacle can be overcome if you just _believe_  hard enough. With that in mind, you decide there's nothing to worry about when you can't find the recipe book Toriel uses, because surely you've eaten enough of her pies to know exactly how to replicate one by now. And even if you don't, you're determined enough to try.  

"Why do you want to bake all of a sudden?" Chara asks as bluntly as ever when you tell them about your plan. "Is it somebody's birthday or something?"

_No,_ you reply.  _It's just something nice for everybody. I think they'll like it._

And it's true! You're not entirely sure why you want to bake today, you just feel like you  _should,_ like it'll turn out really, really well for some reason. And when your gut is pushing you  _this_ hard in a particular direction, who are you to disagree?

NeitherChara nor Asriel look particularly confident when they finally say yes; Chara looks disdainful and Asriel looks worried. Then again, they always look like that. It's practically their default expressions. Besides, if they didn't think you could do it, they wouldn't agree to help you, right? 

You manage to get the house to yourselves for the afternoon by asking Asgore to get the others for a family dinner. You have something special planned, you told him, something everyone will love, especially Toriel, and he practically jumped at the chance to do something nice for her. You already know that he'll be gone for hours. It's the kind of errand that  _should_ only take twenty minutes or so, but realistically, it'll probably end up taking him the entire afternoon, considering the kind of people involved. Thus, you're free to work uninterrupted. 

_Do either of you know how to bake?_ you ask before you begin.

Chara and Asriel glance at each other and shrug, suddenly looking uncomfortable. 

"It's kind of been a while," Asriel says, voice faltering. He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. "I know we've  _done_ it before, but it didn't really...go all that well. And I can't really remember what we did, anyway."

Chara scowls, remaining silent. Their arms are crossed, hands clutching at their sleeves as they glare down at the tiled floor. They may not be saying anything, but you can tell that you've inadvertently hit a sore spot, and so you bring your fist to your chest, quickly circling your heart.  _I'm s_ _orry._  It was easy to forget, sometimes, just how long the two of them had spent in limbo, one of them flower and the other one a ghost. It was only natural that they wouldn't remember everything about their life before, let alone a thing as complex as baking. Yet they're both still willing to help you, and for that, you're grateful. 

By default, you become the leader of your little operation, the others being too cranky and too nervous to bother taking charge.

The first thing you do is instruct everybody to put on their aprons. Yours says _Barbecue Boss,_ Asriel's is ruffled and coveredin little snails - you think it might be Toriel's, actually - and Chara's is a dish towel shoved into the waistband of their jeans.

Your fingers fly as you sign for the things you need, and Chara, being the tallest of the group and therefore the one most capable of reaching the higher shelves, goes to fetch them for you. However, you quickly realize that you actually have no idea what kind of ingredients you need. You end up guessing, listing the kinds of things you'd seen people use on TV - eggs, milk, butter, flour - and pulling out as many bowls and spoons as you possibly can. Better safe than sorry. 

"Do you need me to do anything?" Asriel asks from where he's hovering anxiously in the corner.

You shake your head, flapping your hand dismissively to indicate that he should stay put.   _Just keep standing there and looking cute,_ you sign. _It's good for morale._

Asriel bleats in embarrassment, covering his face with his hands. Chara laughs, prompting Asriel to stumble out of the kitchen. He stands in the hallway for a few seconds, presumably to regain his composure, before creeping back inside and obediently returning to his spot in the corner.

The whole thing is extremely cute. He's doing his job well. _Good work,_ you sign, but he refuses to look at you.  

The table is soon covered in a wide variety of ingredients, some of which look far more correct than others. You highly doubt that the pie you'll be making will be involving green peppers in any capacity, but then again, who knows? 

Time to get to work. 

* * *

 

**Step 2: Filling**

_First thing's first,_  you sign. _We need -_

"What kind of pie are we making?" Chara interrupts, hands on their hips. An excellent question, actually, but you stick your tongue out at them anyway as a punishment for interrupting. They stick their tongue out back. 

You think about it for exactly three seconds. _Cinnamon,_  you reply decisively. Your mouth waters at the thought of the tongue-tingling spice. Decisiveness is the key to good cooking. Confidence! 

"We should make butterscotch," Asriel says. "I think mom likes that better."  

Your private opinion is that _Asriel_ likes it better, but you don't want to be rude, and also you're entirely not sure what Toriel likes better, now that you've actually thought about it for longer than three seconds. As far as you know, he might be right. He _would_  be the most likely to know, you guess, even if he himself doesn't seem entirely sure. 

"It should be chocolate," Chara says, surprising no one, because they're nothing if not predictable when it comes to their preferences. 

_We can do all three,_ you say magnanimously, because  _you_  are nothing if not a diplomat. Also, you're seriously not sure what Toriel likes better and would feel pretty bad if it turned out to have been the one you'd left out. You want everyone to be able to enjoy your pie, but especially Toriel, because you want to pay her back for being such a kind, momly sort of lady. 

You begin with the butterscotch. You're not sure why, but Chara refuses to help for this part, and so you enlist Asriel's help in scooping out the packets of pudding into the bowl you've selected. The bowl is very large and very round and very purple; the perfect bowl with which to make the perfect pie. You are proud of your choice in bowls. 

Next comes the cinnamon. You were only able to find cinnamon _sticks,_ but you figure those should work if you crumble them up first. They don't crumble particularly well, however, and Asriel's nose keeps twitching as though he wants to sneeze. By the time you've finished, his fur is coated in a fine brown dust. He doesn't too happy about this.  

Next comes the chocolate, but much to your not-at-all surprise, you find out that Chara's been secretly eating it the entire time. They hiss at you like an angry cat when you try to pry it from their chocolate-covered fingers. You attempt to lecture them sternly -  _Chara, that's supposed to be for everyone! -_ but Asriel leaps to their defense - "Aw, c'mon, Frisk, let them have a little" - and when you turn around to glare at him severely, you see that his face is covered in butterscotch.  

_Conspiracy!_ you sign, and you grab one of the many, many wooden spoons you've gathered and brandish it like an impromptu sword. You immediately feel bad about brandishing a sword at Asriel, of all people, the very epitome of sunshine and fluff, but he draws one as well without missing a beat.

His sword just so happens to be the one you were using to mix the filling with. Little flecks of butterscotch and crumbling cinnamon go flying everywhere as he slashes at you. Butterscotch hits you in the face, right on the nose, and he begins to laugh. You begin to laugh as well, and then the two of you are giggling uncontrollably, only stopping when Chara gently headbutts you in the shoulder. 

"We have work to do, dummies," they say affectionately. "Remember?"  

And so the duel ends peacefully.  

Chara relinquishes the chocolate after you let them take one final chunk for themselves. They lie down on the floor immediately afterwards, stretching out on their stomach in order to gnaw on it, apparently done with helping for the day. 

You attempt to crumble the chocolate the way you did with the cinnamon, but your attempts don't quite work and you wind up with quite a lot of melted chocolate on your hands. The three of you are extraordinarily messy by now, which means things are _definitely_ going well. After all, you always end up messy when cooking with Undyne. 

Chara, having finished their portion of the chocolate, begins to lick their hands clean. Asriel sulks over the mess he's made of his fur, attempting to wipe the chocolate off on his pants.

At this point you realize that you haven't yet added any of the eggs or flour that you're fairly certain are a key part of the baking process. You decide to remedy that immediately, setting Asriel to breaking the eggs. At this point, Chara gets up off of the floor and moves to sit beside him on the counter, looking pointedly away from him and swinging their legs idly.  

Asriel determinedly cracks an entire carton of eggs into the bowl of butterscotch, cinnamon, and chocolate. An impressive amount of yolk manages to get into the bowl. An even more impressive amount of shell _also_  manages to get into the bowl. You decide not to worry about it. There's a lot you've been deciding not to worry about, actually, but you refuse to lose hope. As long as you stir everything enough, it'll be fine. The pie will be delicious and everyone will love it. 

You wind up dumping in a little bit of everything that seems right; flour, sugar, some butter, baking powder. You pretend to measure carefully, taking only a teaspoon of this before taking half a cup of that, while Asriel continues to methodically destroy eggs, a gleeful expression on his face. Chara begins to collect the leftover shells that haven't yet fallen into the bowl, smashing them into the countertop with their fist and grinning. You don't know why they're doing this, but you decide to let them have their fun; it's not like they're hurting anybody, except for maybe the eggs and the counter. But those aren't alive, so they don't count. 

Finally you've added everything you can think of and the eggs have been thoroughly vanquished. You are satisfied.  

_Now we stir it!_ you sign before reaching for the whisk.  

"We should use the other one," Chara says. They leap off the counter, striding over to a drawer and yanking it open. They begin to dig through it noisily, the sound of clattering silver filling the air. "The really loud one, with the whirring." 

"Why?" Asriel asks.  

"It stirs better," Chara replies, yanking open another drawer in order to rummage through it. "It's faster, isn't it? That means it's better." At this point, they whirl around with a triumphant "ha- _ha!_ ", proudly wielding the implement in question - the legendary Electric Mixer. They sound confident, and their logic is sound, and so you nod, setting down the whisk.  

Chara plugs it in and turns it on. A loud, horrible _WHIRRRRRR_ ing sound fills the air.

In approximately five seconds, 90% of the contents of the bowl are on the walls.  

Asriel laughs as though batter-splattered Chara is the funniest thing he's ever seen, but stops when Chara scoops up a handful of butterscotch-cinnamon-chocolate and dumps it on his head.  

_This is probably fine,_ you sign as Asriel squeals and tries to wipe the mess from his fur. _Let's just pour what we have left into the crust and bake it._

"Oh, yeah. Crust," Chara says.  

 

* * *

 

**Step 3: Crust**

Having no idea what to do about the crust, you decide to improvise. The result is Chara flattening several pieces of bread with a rolling pin and sort of molding them together into a bowl-like shape. When you actually bake it, the bread will probably get toasted, sort of, and then it will be solid, so that should be all right. In the meantime, you use dabs of filling to glue the pieces together while Asriel turns on the oven. As you have no idea what temperature to bake your pie at, you suggest that he turn it up as high as possible; that way it will be done quicker and will hopefully be ready by the time the others arrive. He agrees that that's a wonderful idea, and really, the three of you make an excellent team.  

 

* * *

 

**Step 4: Baking**

As the pie sits in the oven baking at the highest possible temperature, the three of you are left with little to do but ponder the mess you've made. The walls are covered in your best attempt at a pie filling and the floor is littered with bowls and spoons. Eggshells have been firmly ground into the countertop and a bag of flour has tipped over and is steadily pouring out onto the floor.  

"Gross," is Chara's astute observation, and you nod. It _is_ pretty gross.  

"We could burn it all," Asriel suggests, eyes alarmingly bright. "Magically, I mean. Just make a big pile and - " 

"Mom said you're not allowed to use your magic like that," Chara interrupts, gently socking him in the arm. "Remember last time?" 

You desperately want to know what happened last time; judging from how easily Chara brings it up, it was something that happened recently, not Before, and you want to know why the heck they were experimenting with Asriel's magic without you. Still, you're not so tactless as to ask, not when Asriel's face falls like that at the very mention of it. Instead, you heave a heavy sigh and bend over to begin collecting the spoons at your feet. With a long, exaggerated groan, Chara follows suit, and then Asriel.  

With downright remarkable timing, the door chooses that exact moment to be thrown open, letting in a hoard of monsters, if by 'hoard of monsters' you mean 'your dad and four close friends whom you've been expecting this entire time.' 

"Sorry about the wait," Asgore says somewhat sheepishly from where he stands behind a crowd of people, awkwardly shuffling forward as the others make their way down the hall, chatting loudly "There was a bit of a - oh my goodness."

He freezes. 

"Hey, hey, _hey,_ what's going on here?"  Undyne demands, pushing past Asgore and into kitchen. Her grin is as enormous and sharp as always, reminding you of a shark in the friendliest, big sister-est kind of way. "You cooking without me, punk?!"

You nod, and she laughs before tousling your hair. "Good work, kid," she says, and she lets out a long, low whistle when she sees the state of the kitchen. "Wow, lookit this place! I can tell you really put your all into it! The oven, though," she adds, and she turns to the appliance in question, eyes narrowing. "Not hot enough. You need more heat!" 

A lot of things happened after that, some of them more than others. The following list contains the things that happened most. 

  * The oven catching fire
  * Papyrus smelling smoke, despite not having a nose, causing him to realize that you've been cooking without him and inspiring him to make some impromptu spaghetti
  * Alphys attempting to put out the fire while Undyne screams encouragement at Papyrus  _("DESTROY THOSE TOMATOES YEAH YEAH YEAH!")_
  * Sans peering through the doorway, saying "wow, somebody should really clean this mess up - good thing I don't have a _body_ " before winking, going into the living room, and immediately falling asleep on the couch
  * Asgore watching from the doorway in terrified alarm



And that is when Toriel comes home. 

Everybody freezes when she steps into the doorway, including Toriel herself. Her eyes widen as she takes in the scene before her; the smoke, the batter on the wall, the dishes on the floor, the boiling pasta on the stove, the tiny lizard scientist hastily beating out the few remaining flames with Chara's stolen apron, the _Barbecue Boss._

It's Asriel who finally breaks the silence. 

"Hi, mom!" he chirps. "You're home early!" 

He offers her an enormous, terrified smile, as though bracing himself for the inevitable furious reaction. Chara, meanwhile, has frozen completely, apparently doing their best impression of a marble statue. 

"Yes, I am," she says slowly. "The meeting ended sooner than I'd expected."

Her eyes sweep across the room, meeting each and every person's gaze directly. You can feel her sizing you up with that stare, that legendary stare that practically all mothers have and use to ascertain a person's guilt in times of crisis. 

One by one, the lot of you drop your eyes in shame. 

"Dreemurr," Toriel says abruptly, whipping her head around to glare at Asgore. He cringes visibly when she does. "How exactly did this happen? Were you not instructed to watch the children while I was away?"

"They wanted to have everyone over tonight," he says weakly. "They said they had something planned...I could hardly say _no_..."

"Oh, you _hardly could,_ could you?" she snaps, and you relax. If she's mad at Asgore, then that means she's not really mad at all, just seizing the opportunity to yell at him some more.

You creep forward, tugging at her skirt to draw her attention. 

Toriel glances down at you, expression softening instantly. "Yes, my child?" she asks, bending forward slightly so that she's level with you. 

_We made a pie,_ you sign, and you point to where your charred-black experiment sits on the counter after having been rescued from the flames by a quick-thinking Dr. Alphys. 

Her expression softens even further when she sees it, despite the way her brow furrows in what may have been confusion. "A...pie?" she repeats. "Is that...you made this all by yourself, child?"

You shake your head. _With Chara and Asriel,_ you sign.

She turns to her other two children. Chara appears to be gradually coming to life again, having moved to stand beside Asriel, their hands clasped between them. Asriel stares up at her with a panicked smile. Chara looks ready to fly away at any moment. From the way their hands cling to each other, it seems as though they're the only ones keeping each other in the room. 

Toriel smiles. 

"Well!" she says, clasping her hands together, anger vanishing. "I'm sure it will be delicious, then, if it's something that all three of you worked on together! But let's see about getting this mess cleaned up, first." 

* * *

 

**Step 5: Enjoy!**

The pie is good, you think. Not as good as the pie Toriel makes afterwards in the freshly-tidied kitchen, but still. Not bad for a first attempt. Despite how burnt it is. 

Somehow there's enough pie for everyone, even Asgore, whom Toriel doesn't withhold any from despite the scolding she'd given him earlier. Judging from the expression on his face as he digs in - a kind of tearful ecstasy - it's something to be grateful for, and you make a mental note to apologize to him later for accidentally getting him into trouble. 

Toriel and Sans tell each other baking puns, snickering loudly over what a  _crumby_ job running a bakery must be. Papyrus tells Asgore the details of his latest self-imposed mission as the captain of the Royal Guard while Asgore listens patiently, not even bothering to remind him that the Royal Guard no longer exists. Alphys and Undyne loudly discuss the latest episode of some anime they've been watching, with Alphys in particular complaining that she'd missed the battle Undyne is raving about because Mettaton had chosen that exact moment to smash her TV and demand her attention. And Chara and Asriel whisper to each other, giggling over some shared secret, still in their own world, but opening up just enough to laugh along with the others and occasionally smile at you from across the table. 

There's a place for everyone here, you think, and yours is right in the middle. Your pie may not have turned out exactly the way you'd been expecting, but still, you feel satisfied. 

You've done good, you think, and you take another bite of pie.

* * *

 

**Serves one family.**


End file.
